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Transcript:
Welcome to the Weird News turning terrifically tangential tangling in to tantalizing tid-bits of tomfoolery
This just in! get your hands off my car you damn dirty ape! And Hey! This tastes like chicken! Wait, it is chicken.
From our Frakked up Florida file, A 36 year old Largo Florida man was pulled over for suspicion of drunk driving. It was then that police noticed the suspect was driving with a monkey in the car. After being found above the legal limit, 36 year old Eugene Kotelman told the officer he wasn’t actually driving, the MONKEY WAS! He said he was just operating the pedals……His macaque monkey named Doc Holiday was doing all of the steering and therefore he was NOT drunk driving. He was promptly arrested and the monkey was taken in by wildlife officers. Kotelman later admitted Doc Holiday was a lousy driver and has had to regularly spank his monkey while driving. EWWWWW.
In a related story, an Ottawa man faces an almost $500 fine and a careless driving charge for driving while eating rotisserie chicken. Police observed the mans car swerving and going out of its lane and pulled over the driver for suspicion of drunk driving. The police found the man eating a chicken that was in the guys lap. He might of been let off with a warning if not for the drivers insistence that the officer “reach down here and grab a piece” Which is safer? Spanking your monkey or pulling your chicken while driving? Also…double EWWWW!
And now to discuss which is safer while driving, spanking your monkey or choking your chicken, is Weird News correspondent, Michael Piper-Yunie .
Thats it for this week. Remember, you can get involved by submitting stories on our Tumblr, sending clips of yourself reporting weird news to [email protected], posting a video response below, or have your monkey drive it over to our studios. We have chicken! And Tim Horton’s Coffee! Also submit a video of you saying one of our many tounge twister openings posted on out tumblr and you to can be in on the news!
Crew:
Host : Sam Proof
Guest Reporter : Micahel Piper-Younie
On Location: Gian Molina
Executive Producer: Sam Proof
Head Writer: Joe Neuberger
Online Director: John Allen
Studio Engineer: Nate Martin
Technical Director: Julio Floures
Camera 1 (and stills): Dave Orantes
Camera 2: Ed Spangler
Camera 3; Rob Reber
Teleprompter: Jayson Boyd
Editor: Sam Proof
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